I want you to let me clean it out of my head.
I’m dumb, I’m slow, I don’t communicate well. I have no friends.
I’m like a person who has a lot of elements that if I get angry, I’ll destroy the world no matter what.
That’s why I am dependent on something or always depressed. But that’s all too natural for me, and I accept it.
I deserve to be at the bottom of the community.
The video streaming service I am dependent on. On one of the channels, a former lecturer at a famous American university, Mr. Toshio Okada, was introducing a movie called “The Joker.
A person who is bullied bullies someone who is weaker than him. They both laugh at each other. The bully laughs because he enjoys it. The one being bullied laughs because he is told to laugh. The Joker doesn’t need anyone, so the only way he can connect with people is through violence. He is even more hated by people. He, a bottom-feeder like me, uses demonstrations to break things, become terrorists, and use violence. They take such actions in order to connect with something.
People at the bottom also want to laugh when they want to laugh.
The human brain seeks pleasure.
We want to be needed by someone. It’s an instinct we can’t escape.
I am lucky. I have a husband, I have children. Above all, I am in an environment where I can live with my addiction. However, the company I work for is about to go out of business, and at my age, I have no place to work. I want to get rid of my addiction somehow.
If you are willing to volunteer for someone, I would appreciate it.
I want you to keep an eye on me. I want to improve my health. I want to make an effort to become independent.
not drink alcohol・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・ok
not eat sweets. Snack on nuts, fruit, and eggs・・・・・・ok
Squats or muscle training after meals・・・・・・・・・・ok
Write a blog and report back・・・・・・・・・・・・・・ok
Spend no more than an hour watching video streaming services・・・・・・no
Study computer and English for an hour ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・ok
Thank you.